When relationships turn into The Emperor’s New Clothes

Hi friends!  In today’s program, I’ll talk about something that I see my friends doing a lot. I won’t judge them, for who am I to judge,  if I was like this until yesterday:

I just want to remind you that we spend a lot of time and a lot of life energy projecting into love relationships and into another person our own energy, vitality, sense of existence and passion. And then when they are not around for 5 minutes, we see that we’ve actually built up an empty life for ourselves with no passion: because that’s what the human being does: we find another human being to entertain and distract ourselves and we enter into the mental and emotional loops of the other so we don’t have to deal with the complexity of our own being. And then we get depressed, thinking that we are in an abusive relationship and (and sometimes we are). But most of the times, we ourselves are the ones who abuse our own being: getting out from a relationship to enter into another as we change clothes not to see who we really are when we get naked. In the end, we have been naked all the time, like in The Emperor’s New Clothes.

 

So we set that relationship as the most important thing in life, and maybe the only thing in life. Then we don’t try to find out what we like, what career to follow, what gives us pleasure, we don’t make an effort to keep a friendship circle etc. We think we’re safe from the world. And then when that relationship ends, we look around, and we see ourselves in a shit job,  no friends, we don’t do and have never done anything that gives us pleasure, we haven’t progressed at all. We have done nothing for ourselves.

Remember: It’s very good to have someone, but even better to have yourself.

kisses of light

Be the friend you didn’t have

They say there is no past, present and future. It’s all just one thing, that goes all together on quantum levels and such. They also say we are all connected, they say we are one.

So I thought about the people that we see today going through the same shit that we once experienced and had no one on our side to say how to do it or at least give a shoulder and make it easier… Ever wondered if when we decide to be for this person the friend that we didn’t  have, we are actually finding ourselves in a quantum slit and then giving ourselves the friend we didn’t have when we needed?

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There was a moment in my life when I was absolutely alone in the world going through some very heavy stuff and it was too much for one person to handle, I found myself totally alone and isolated. I ended up surviving, of course, because that’s what we do.

Months later, there was another moment in my life when I was totally broken but this time, two angels came into my life carrying me along with their sweet instant friendship. And that made all difference.

So now when I see someone going through the same troubles I’ve been through, I try to be for him/her the friend I couldn’t find when I was the person in trouble alone.  Like, “You’re not going to go through this alone. Not in my shift. ” And I think that this is really it? It seems like suddenly I, somewhere in time, find the friend I did not have when I needed most years ago, and all of a sudden, I get all the other good things and open doors that come along when someone is with us in a moment of pain. Try it. It’s very good.

What we give to others is what we give to ourselves.

kisses of light

When best friends die

I was just listening to New Order and remembering that when I was in college, I lived with a lot of people in a CRUSP manhole. I say manhole, because, Jesus … there were so many cockroaches flying around all the time …

I lived with the world’s poorest people. I was also deprecated. They were 2 Goths and I loved them. They spent the whole day in their black clothes, and they also slept like that. I used to say, “How do you guys sleep in the very same clothes you’ve spent the day?” And they would say, “How do you spend the day in the very same clothes you’ve spent the night?” Because I spent the days in pajamas, I was famous for that and I did not see any problem in going to class like that either.

Well, I just know we loved each other a lot. And we spent the days and nights listening to some Smiths, Joy Division and New Order tapes. Sometimes we would hear Enya as asleep, kind of trying to feel peaceful. Mariana was my best friend, and she would caress my back until I fell asleep, as if I was a cat. Sometimes Luizemara of Geology would tell me stories of how the planets worked, that I listened as a child listens to fairy tales at night. And I guess the universe really loved me, putting so many good people in my life!

One day, I went to see a job, and Mariana went to take me to the bus stop. From the bus window, I yelled, “When I get home, I’m going to make you a vanguard hairstyle.”  I would never see her again. She died at the age of 18. And that silly promise was the last thing I said. Nothing amusing, nothing wise, nothing that could have made a special moment in her life.

Sometimes when I’m sad, I think, “What would Mariana give now for the chance of being sad again? What would Mariana do if she was alive now? “And then I hear Smiths and New Order. This is what she would surely be doing.

For you, Mariana, wherever you are, all my love.

“And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you  before”

Sadness is a luxury of youth

One good (or bad?) thing about getting old is: you do not have more time to be sad. When we are young, we have such luxury, right? Getting depressed, downers, bad, low and such. We get some wine, take it to the cemetery, and listen to Joy Division. Adults don’t! When we grow up, it stops. We have a world of things to solve. There is no time to be sad, and we also don’t want.

If I wanted to be sad these days, I’d be listening to Pulp.  Do you see me listening to Pulp? No, you don’t!

So for you, young people, I came here to give the best advice I’ve ever had (Hello Maceira!): If you’re going to be sad, enjoy! Suffer! Be as sad as you can, for you never know if this is your last chance, and you will never be sad again.

Kisses of light

Us Witches

It has been a long time since we, as human species, lived in a matriarchal society. In that tribal society, they had a ritual of procreation, for as we know well, women living together menstruate together. In that ritual of copulation, on certain nights of the month, beautifully synchronized with some phase of the moon, men and women would attend with the intention to procreate. And they did.

One day, as it was expected, that would happen sooner or later: a woman dared not to want to attend to the rituals. That was a matriarchal society, so instead of burning the woman alive or killing her for refusing to perform the “military service,” the tribe only expelled the woman from society: if she did not agree in playing that role that was so important to the group, It didn’t make sense for her and for them that she continued to be part of it. Fair enough.

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The woman left alone into the woods to live by her own fate. And that’s when it all started: In the forest, alone, without the protection of the group, nor of men with their hunting and defense techniques, the woman found herself only relating to her thoughts and nature. Without domesticated dogs to help her hunt, the woman domesticated the cat. The cat is, by excellence, the animal that the woman has tamed. The cat could bring her small animals to eat … mice and other hunts. During the day, the woman slept in safe places, and at night, guided by the moon and its phases, the woman spent most of her time awake because she dealt better with the predators of the night. Her menstruation was no longer synchronized with the group, nor was her desires.

Without the farming advantages of the group, the woman ate what she found, and learned what wild plants are good to be eaten, which ones can kill, which ones will heal, which tree bark is medicinal, which one opens portals in the mind and universe. The woman became wild, and yet, and perhaps because of this, a healing specialist.

In the tribe, if someone was very sick, and they had no one else to turn to, they remembered that the woman who was expelled and lived in the forest, she knew herbs, she knew what to do. They took the patient to see her. He would come back healed. She was magical. The woman communicated with nature, because she had no one else to communicate. And the way nature tells animals that a tsunami is coming, nature told the woman things that others could not see ahead. And then it was learned that the woman saw the future. The woman lived alone, no children, no friends, only her cats, her intuition and her telepathy with the divine.

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The women who lived in the group were happy and fit, with their children and rules, and families. The woman in the forest was a rebel. A mystery. Sometimes, in the forest, a man would show up, looking for the woman. He would be dissatisfied with the society in which he lived, but without the courage to say no. And he fell in love with the forest woman. And their quick affair was the closest he got from being a rebel. Then, like the sick returning from the forest, the man would also get back, also cured of the slight doubt he had for a moment: to be himself or to be the group. He would return to the group as the dog returns to its owner’s house.

I will not say that the woman in the forest did not suffer. She was dying. But she also knew the healing to raise herself from the dead. Everything was in her kitchen. As time goes, men come and men go, sick come and sick go, while she perceives her place in the world. She was the healer. She would never be on the procreative wheel. She lit the fire inside those who had no fire burning inside. One day she herself would be burned alive at a campfire, but that is another story.

After struggling and often finding herself desiring to have the same wishes and be like the people of the tribe, who want things that could guarantee her a quiet less solitary life, she begins to understand that her happiness is different from the happiness of others. At this point, her cats arrive with little mice, which she eats, then she drinks tea that she knows has the power of taking away all thoughts about those who have left. She knows that everything, in the end, is wind. And that’s fine.

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Get Back Blackout!

There is one thing that modern life has taken away from us and I really miss: Blackouts! It’s a pity that you young people will not have more opportunity to see how cool it was when there was lack of electric light: the candles, the images that we projected on the wall with the candlelight. The long waiting for the return of the light, which then progressed to simply enjoying each other’s company. The fear of going into the kitchen alone and finding a lost soul wandering or staring at you. Little Johnny would pick up the guitar to sing. Jaysus, how Little Johnny played terribly. Then we talked about some problem to solve, and all of us would concentrate, without being distracted. The older ones in the farm told stories. The children easily had fun because the good thing about being a kid is having fun with anything.

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I had plans, one day, when I have children, to make a deal with someone to sporadically, without warning, to turn off my circuit breaker, without anyone knowing, of course, because the good thing about lacking light is that you do not know when it is going to go and when it is going to get back. In my head, we would happily love each other a lot.

The Time and The Wind

Friends, I highly recommend Patti Smith’s book for understanding love.

Let me tell you a story: time is a very beautiful, very magical thing, capable of changing things and their meaning completely.

When my ex and I finally cut the thin ribbon that bound us together, I gave back to him all of his things that were with me. I placed them with all my love, one by one on the piano. It was a little music box I’d given to him, there was his Nick Cave sheet music, and I do not know what else. It resembled an altar. I left a note in front of everything, written “Goodbye Stranger.”

 

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Regards to my things that he had with him, he took all of my clothes, all my stuff, all the gifts he gave me,  all the things that I had so much affection for, including the wedding dress of our fake wedding in Berlin, he put everything in a green trash bag … and gave to charity.

For a long time it hurt me when I thought. But after all this time, looking back, I do not know which of us was more altruistic: if it was me, showing him that every little thing about him was very valuable and precious, or he, forcing me to open hands and let go of the things that occupied a lot of emotional space, and I could never leave behind.

Love is a funny thing. Love is in everything. There is love even in no love.