Be the friend you didn’t have

They say there is no past, present and future. It’s all just one thing, that goes all together on quantum levels and such. They also say we are all connected, they say we are one.

So I thought about the people that we see today going through the same shit that we once experienced and had no one on our side to say how to do it or at least give a shoulder and make it easier… Ever wondered if when we decide to be for this person the friend that we didn’t  have, we are actually finding ourselves in a quantum slit and then giving ourselves the friend we didn’t have when we needed?

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There was a moment in my life when I was absolutely alone in the world going through some very heavy stuff and it was too much for one person to handle, I found myself totally alone and isolated. I ended up surviving, of course, because that’s what we do.

Months later, there was another moment in my life when I was totally broken but this time, two angels came into my life carrying me along with their sweet instant friendship. And that made all difference.

So now when I see someone going through the same troubles I’ve been through, I try to be for him/her the friend I couldn’t find when I was the person in trouble alone.  Like, “You’re not going to go through this alone. Not in my shift. ” And I think that this is really it? It seems like suddenly I, somewhere in time, find the friend I did not have when I needed most years ago, and all of a sudden, I get all the other good things and open doors that come along when someone is with us in a moment of pain. Try it. It’s very good.

What we give to others is what we give to ourselves.

kisses of light

When best friends die

I was just listening to New Order and remembering that when I was in college, I lived with a lot of people in a CRUSP manhole. I say manhole, because, Jesus … there were so many cockroaches flying around all the time …

I lived with the world’s poorest people. I was also deprecated. They were 2 Goths and I loved them. They spent the whole day in their black clothes, and they also slept like that. I used to say, “How do you guys sleep in the very same clothes you’ve spent the day?” And they would say, “How do you spend the day in the very same clothes you’ve spent the night?” Because I spent the days in pajamas, I was famous for that and I did not see any problem in going to class like that either.

Well, I just know we loved each other a lot. And we spent the days and nights listening to some Smiths, Joy Division and New Order tapes. Sometimes we would hear Enya as asleep, kind of trying to feel peaceful. Mariana was my best friend, and she would caress my back until I fell asleep, as if I was a cat. Sometimes Luizemara of Geology would tell me stories of how the planets worked, that I listened as a child listens to fairy tales at night. And I guess the universe really loved me, putting so many good people in my life!

One day, I went to see a job, and Mariana went to take me to the bus stop. From the bus window, I yelled, “When I get home, I’m going to make you a vanguard hairstyle.”  I would never see her again. She died at the age of 18. And that silly promise was the last thing I said. Nothing amusing, nothing wise, nothing that could have made a special moment in her life.

Sometimes when I’m sad, I think, “What would Mariana give now for the chance of being sad again? What would Mariana do if she was alive now? “And then I hear Smiths and New Order. This is what she would surely be doing.

For you, Mariana, wherever you are, all my love.

“And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you  before”